The UK is just one more confirmed Coronavirus case away from Bono & Bob Geldof releasing a single, it has emerged.
With the total number of Covid-19 cases across the United Kingdom standing at 87, the sanctimonious pop-duo have decided to end the virus using the power of song.
Bono, who’s worth $600m and moved to Holland to avoid paying taxes, is begging the working classes to buy his new charity single to help combat the outbreak.
‘This isn’t solely about keeping myself relevant as an artist. We want to save lives too’, crooned the nauseating dwarf.
‘Get yer feckin money out’, demanded Geldof, while fanning himself with a wad of £50 notes.
It’s understood the pair will be rounding up the usual assortment of fundraising millionaires such as Russell Brand, Coldplay and Lilly Allen.
However, many people in the UK told reporters they’d rather succumb to the effects of the virus than indulge the Irish twats.
‘Perhaps if they personally donated a small portion of their personal fortunes or paid their f*cking taxes properly we wouldn’t have to be subjected to a rendition of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ every time a zebra in the Serengeti has the sniffles’, sneezed one infected UK resident.
‘If I was coughing my lungs up in a hut in China and was told that Sinead O’Connor and Bastille were singing to keep me alive I’d refuse the vaccine and write DNR on my front door with my own phlegm’, he added.