Following the annexation of Castlereagh by Lisburn Council, we, the Dundonald Liberation Army (DLA) demand the following:
- A public declaration by Lisburn City Council that it is the right of all the people of Dundonald to decide the future of Dundonald, so it is.
- A declaration of intent to withdraw any claim that Lisburn has over our beloved Icey (Dundonald International Ice Bowl).
- Bin collections will revert back to whatever day they were made under Castlereagh Council. It’s a fucking nightmare to keep track of this.
- A fully functioning ATM to serve the 16,000+ population would be handy.
- All shaps (retail units) in Dundonald Village that aren’t fast food shaps or sunbed shaps are to become fast food shaps and sunbed shaps with immediate effect.
- Dundonald Touring Caravan Park, which has never hosted a caravan in twenty-odd years, will be closed immediately and converted back into dangerous all-weather football pitches
- Compulsory underage drinking will recommence in the Moat Park effective immediately. The place has lost its fear factor at night times.
- The Park and Ride terminal will be renamed. It sounds like a ‘dogging’ spot.
- Xtravision will reopen. It’s too difficult to steal DVDs in ASDA.
- Indianaland will be renamed Northern Indianaland.