‘Chazzy Shankill’ on course for Xmas #1

Local musician 'Chazzy Shankill' is on course for the coveted Christmas No.1 spot with her rendition of Shania Twain's 1998 classic 'From This Moment On'.  Chazzy's duet with a pal broke the internet this week and industry insiders believe 'From This Moment On (Yeeoo)' could even become the biggest selling Christmas song of all time. … Continue reading ‘Chazzy Shankill’ on course for Xmas #1

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Owner of vehicle about to breakdown making his way toward Stockmans Lane

The owner of a car on its last legs is taking the vehicle to its final resting place at Stockmans Lane, it has emerged.  Maurice Minor (47) eventually set off on the journey this morning after countless attempts to start the old banger. Stockmans Lane has become a 'Valhalla' for shitty old scrappers hoping to … Continue reading Owner of vehicle about to breakdown making his way toward Stockmans Lane

Local woman ‘sticking on a big pat of stew the night’

A Dundonald woman is going to make an enormous pot of stew tonight, it has emerged.  42-year-old Jacqueline Frost made the decision after declaring this morning to be 'the cowlest yet'. The mother-of-three was spotted in her local convenience store a short while ago sporting a fetching ensemble including a turd brown duffle coat with … Continue reading Local woman ‘sticking on a big pat of stew the night’

West Belfast bull given ‘on the run letter’

A bull from the west of the city which caused major traffic disruption yesterday has been given a controversial 'on the run letter' by Westminster, it has emerged. The animal was on the loose in the Hannahstown Hill area of west Belfast late yesterday evening bringing traffic to a standstill. The bull, known locally as … Continue reading West Belfast bull given ‘on the run letter’

Ballybeen man’s cold upgraded to ‘bad cold’

A Dundonald man’s cold has been upgraded to a ‘bad cold’ after a careful and thorough self-diagnosis, it has emerged. Joe McMelter spend the first half hour in work this morning typing his symptoms into Google after he found it 'a wee bit sore to swallow' . The 37-year-old selflessly volunteered to leave work this … Continue reading Ballybeen man’s cold upgraded to ‘bad cold’

Dundonald woman rubs Sudocreme on husband’s broken neck

A Dundonald woman tried to mend her husband’s broken neck using a medicated cream aimed primarily at the treatment of nappy rash, it has emerged. 42-year-old Nick Kringle fractured a cervical vertebrae after falling from his loft while fetching Christmas decorations at his wife’s behest. The plumber tried accessing his roof space by standing on … Continue reading Dundonald woman rubs Sudocreme on husband’s broken neck

Man reports his ‘mokentroll’ missing to PSNI

The PSNI has issued an urgent appeal for information that might help them locate a Dundonald man’s ‘mokenroll’. The small infrared device is believed to be in the man’s living room but police are not ruling out that it may be somewhere else. 39-year-old Sam Sung of Culross Drive in Ballybeen Estate reported his ‘mokentroll’ … Continue reading Man reports his ‘mokentroll’ missing to PSNI

‘Santa’s watching ya know!’, claims local mother

Desperate mothers across Northern Ireland are making bogus phone calls to an imaginary man in a bid to control their unruly brats, according to reports. A study has revealed that thousands of naughty children are being subjected to empty threats which will have zero impact upon their awful behaviour. And as December fast approaches, mums … Continue reading ‘Santa’s watching ya know!’, claims local mother

1 in 3 Northern Irish households have a rotting pumpkin at their front door

A study by Dundonald Looniversity revealed that almost a third of homes across the province are allowing a pumpkin to wither on their doorstep almost a week after Halloween. Local man Bill Idle (38) placed a pumpkin he carved for his children at his front door on Halloween night. However, almost a full week has … Continue reading 1 in 3 Northern Irish households have a rotting pumpkin at their front door

Woman nips outside A&E for a wee feg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zODcWh192sQ A Dundonald woman has nipped outside A&E 'for a wee feg', according to reports. Nicola O'Teen (52) visited her local accident & emergency department this morning complaining of a shortness of breath. Mrs O'Teen, who has smoked from she was 8-years-old, was hoping they'd be able to get to the bottom of her mysterious … Continue reading Woman nips outside A&E for a wee feg