The PSNI have launched a public inquiry after they arrested a teenage boy in connection with riots on the streets of Belfast who wasn’t wearing grey jogging bottoms.
13-year-old Claude Stones is accused of throwing bricks, fireworks, flares, manhole covers petrol bombs and his vape at police during another night of disturbances.
It was during his arrest officers realised the boy wasn’t wearing skin-tight grey sweatpants which have become synonymous with those engaging in antisocial behaviour.
Appealing to the public for information, Sgt Rob Banks said:
‘We are becoming increasingly concerned about the whereabouts of young Claude’s grey jogging bottoms’.
‘Whilst we are in possession of his 3-holer Air Max and his North Face rain jacket, we are afraid the testicle-hugging sweatpants remain at large’.
‘We would appeal to anyone with information to slide into our DMs on the PSNI Facebook page’.
Despite the plethora of incriminating evidence against Claude, his father Chuck is adamant his son is innocent.
‘Our wee Claude wouldn’t harm a fly’, said the 38-year-old man stinking of petrol.
‘He was just on his way to the shops to get his ma 45 bottles of milk when he was lifted by the peelers’.
‘His ma hasn’t slept a wink. All she’s done is cry and hold his wee ankle bracelet’.
Meanwhile the PSNI confirmed they deployed water canons for the first time in six years.
It’s understood Sgt Rob Banks set a new world record when he sent an 18-stone man in Rangers shorts skidding a distance of 45ft on his arse.