A groundbreaking new study has revealed 98% of people in NI who participate in Facebook quarrels have never heard of spell checker.
Ethno-nationalist squabbles on Facebook have become as much a part of daily Northern Irish life as drinking tonic wine and eating a disgusting caramel-coloured loaf known as Veda.
Most evenings, thousands of adults across the province with fuck all better to do will scour local news sources hoping to be offended by something.
Upon finding something that suitably riles them, the person will engage in a war of words with someone from the opposing community.
The majority of these people possess the ability to turn every event, either domestic or foreign, into an ‘Orange & Green’ debate.
For a long time it had been assumed those involved had purposely disabled their spell checkers for the entertainment of those spectating.
However, a recent survey conducted by Dundonald Looniversity has revealed that nearly all of those who participate in these daily ding-dongs have never heard of a spell checker.
Dr Steph O’Scope, head of pointless studies at Dundonald Looniversity, had this to say:
‘For years we believed these people typed their comments using their elbow, just for the craic’.
‘But after close observation it would appear our test subjects type and spell with the same proficiency as a blindfolded 6-week-old bulldog pup’.
Loyalist Big ‘Turk’ Young (43), who once asked if the Gaza Strip was a Rangers kit from the mid-90s, was baffled by the findings:
‘I never knew about that there predictive text thing? I got my wee lad to fix my phone cos every time I tried to type fuck it changed it til duck. So he must’a turned it aff’.
Meanwhile, Republican Wee Des Dent (47), who once asked if Hamas was a type of posh dip for your Doritos, was equally miffed:
‘I’d never heard of it either. But a few weeks ago I text the boys about going for a pint and they turned up ready for a riot. Now it makes fucking sense’.