Dundonald man sweats his ballix off

A Dundonald man was rushed to hospital this morning after waking to find his testicles had dissolved in a puddle of sweat.

Eunuch Powell (37) had terrible difficulty sleeping last night due to the drastic increase in temperatures across Northern Ireland.

The sous chef tried everything from opening a window, to sleeping ‘pure ballick naked’.

‘By 3am I was sweating like Josef Fritzl on MTV Cribs’, explained Powell.

‘When my alarm went off at 7am I slipped the aul hand down the begs for my usual morning stock take’.

‘But it was all meat ‘n no veg’.

‘So I whips back the quilt and had an aul gander between my legs. I couldn’t f**kin believe it, my ballix had pure melted’.

‘I started screaming but the Mrs told me to f**k up in case I woke the kids’.

‘When I told her my plums had dissolved and she just laughed in my face’, he sobbed.

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Powell is currently recovering in the Ulster Hospital.

The Dundonald man admitted it was weird at first but now he’s sort of gotten used to life minus his testicles

‘There’s less to wash, less to scratch and to be honest she was on my case about getting the snip. Dodged a bullet there’, said Powell.

Powell’s best mate, ‘Big Brick’ Magee, didn’t think the situation would have a huge impact upon his friend’s life.

‘He lost his ballix the day he met her anyway’, claimed Brick.

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