NI Coronavirus update: 2nd wave of Smicks to hit Crawfordsburn next week

DUP leader Arlene Foster and her Sinn Féin counterpart, Deputy First Minister Michelle O’Neill, have warned that a second wave of Smicks could hit Crawfordsburn Country Park as early as next week.

Last week, hundreds of malnourished teenage boys whipped their ‘taps aff’ and flocked to local beauty spots as temperatures soared across the province.

With the weather expected to improve towards the end of next week, Facebook’s chief medical officer, Big Karen, has warned visitors to the conservation area to brace themselves for the reappearance of the inebriated children

‘We would ask the public to be vigilante, I mean vigilant and look for the warning signs such as loud cheesy dance music and discarded fishing tackle bags containing white residue’, she said while applying another coat of hairspray to her bouffant barnet.

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Fletcher Meats

But some visitors to the beauty spot claim they’re looking forward to seeing the Smicks.

‘Usually when I bring my two children to the beach they collect mundane things like sea shells’, explained mother-of-two, Jessica Ramble.

‘But these teenagers leave a host of more interesting things to gather, like broken WKD bottles and used condoms’.

Dog walker Bobby Woodhouse claims the drunken youths are good with animals also.

‘I caught one of them playing fetch using bottles of WKD with our chocolate lab Coco’.

‘Ok, maybe some of them hit Coco full force on the skull but accidents happen’.

Father-of-three, 15-yr-old Wee ‘mental’ Millsy absolutely loves days out at Crawfordsburn with his buddies.

He told us, ‘The beatbax is pumpin and the gear is flowing like wine’.

‘Later on when the peelers show up, we’ll all gather in a circle and shout ‘fuck the PSNI’.

‘And those of us who can’t spell PSNI will just shout ‘fuck the RUC’ instead’.

 

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