Big Geordie Foreman purchased a Weber Genesis II gas barbecue from B&Q hoping to impress everyone with his cooking prowess in the garden.
Unfortunately, the the rain last week meant that Big Geordie never even got his Weber out of the box.
However, the 44-year-old father-of-two has more than compensated for the washout by barbecuing every night this week.
But not everyone is happy about the situation, namely, Geordie’s 9-year-old son, Ash.
‘Am f**kin’ fed up looking at BBQs’, moaned Ash.
‘Once or twice is ok. But every night that ball-beg’s been out there in his novelty apron swinging those tongs about’.
‘Why do we need to cook meat over a fire like a street-person anyway?’ quizzed Ash, while squinting in the sun.
‘There’s a perfectly good kitchen in there with all the necessary amenities to prepare a non-life-threatening meal’.
But Big Geordie’s BBQ obsession goes much deeper than simply cooking outside.
‘I can’t get it up, the wife’s leaving me – even the kids don’t respect me anymore’, confessed Geordie while turning over a Chinese chicken wing.
‘This BBQ represents the last remaining shred of my masculinity – and now, the b**tards want to take that away as well’, he sobbed before blowing his nose into an Avengers napkin.