Panic buying fuelled by the coronavirus crisis resulted in a riot in a supermarket in Dundonald this morning.
Arrests were made and several shoppers required medical attention after a customer squabble over shit roll erupted into violence.
With the number of positive cases of the Coronavirus in Northern Ireland rising to ONE, people have been taking the unnecessary precaution of buying a lot of aul shite they’ll never use.
We caught up with shopper, Nick Steel, who was caught up in this morning’s violence:
‘I slept outside the shop and broke four ribs in a human crush when they opened the front doors this morning.
‘But here, it was totally worth it, cos I was one of the first ones in’, panted Nick, sporting a bloodied head wound and clutching a four-pack of toilet paper.
The 36-year-old drama queen showed us footage of the riot he captured on his rose-gold iPhone.
‘There’s two pregnant women trailing the wig clean aff each other over a box of fanny pads’, he squealed while jabbing his finger at the phone.
‘I managed to get the last of the bog rolls, so I did’, he bragged.
‘I was lucky though, cos some aul doll almost got to it before me! But I hit her a good boot in the shins then tipped her out of her wheelchair onto the floor’.
‘These will go in the cupboard under the stairs along with the other 50 rolls I bought this week’.
‘I know it’s a respiratory illness but ya never know, it could give ya the shits too’.
‘Do ya want any hand sanitizer, I’ve a load in the car?’, he asked, while scrolling along the flat surface of his smartphone where germs can live for up to 96-hours.