Prods set to celebrate inaugural ‘Sash Thursday’

The PUL community of Northern Ireland will celebrate their first ever ‘Sash Thursday’ tomorrow, it has emerged.

Organisers have described ‘Sash Thursday’ as ‘an inclusive event celebrating cultural diversity which welcomes all sections of the community – except Fenians’.

It’s widely believed the creation of Sash Thursday is a direct response to a day of prayer and fasting by Roman Catholics.

‘We would encourage all Prods to participate in this glorious celebration of our culture’, said Sash Thursday co-founder Gusty Stitt.

‘Apart from bonfires, a marching season which starts around May and ends around September, flegs, kerb stones painted red, white & blue and wearing your Rangers shorts for two-weeks straight on holiday, there are very few ways for usuns to let themuns know we’re one of usuns and not one of themuns’.

‘So, we’ve decided that the day after Ash Wednesday will forever be known as Sash Thursday’.

‘On this day, all Prods will wear their sash with pride. This should let everyone know what fut you kick with’.

‘Yeeeooo’, he added.

Meanwhile, Stormont has already announced Sash Thursday will be a public holiday.

‘Workers across the province will be awarded a day off so they can fully participate in violent public disturbances’, confirmed First Minister Arlene Foster.

‘We recognise that any sort of structured routine could severely hinder a person’s involvement in a running battle with the PSNI or groups of a different religious persuasion’.

‘It’s unfair to expect anyone to spend all day lobbing masonry at local law enforcement if they’re bound by the shackles of a 9-5 shift’, she added.

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