Partially constructed ark spotted in Dundonald

There were raised eyebrows in Dundonald this morning when a partially constructed ark was spotted in the Moat Park.

The gigantic wooden vessel is the handy work of local man Noah Chambers who claims he had a vivid dream about a huge flood that would destroy Dundonald and everything that lived there.

In fact, the dream was so intense that Noah believed it could be some sort of premonition.

‘I had a yarn with the big lad upstairs last night in a dream’, recounted the 47-year-old.

‘Then he said he was gonna flood Dundonald because it was fulla melters. That’s why it’s been p*ssing down for weeks’.

‘So when I woke up this morning, I decided to build a big f**k-off boat’, he added.

However, Noah’s two daughters were highly skeptical of their father’s psychic powers – especially when they discovered he’d p*shed the bed during the night.

They argued the dream about the flood was most likely Noah’s subconscious telling him to get his hole to the toilet, rather than some newfound clairvoyant ability.

Undeterred by his children’s lack of faith, Noah decided to press ahead and build his boat.

In the dream, Noah remembered that the animals were also destroyed by the floods.

So he decided to build his boat big enough to preserve the existence of the local wildlife from neighbouring Ballybeen and Tullycarnet.

‘I’m planning to take two of every Alsatian, Staffordshire & Pit Bull Terrier’, he explained.

However, the fact Noah was falsely claiming disability allowance while singlehandedly building a huge wooden boat in broad daylight was always going to be problematic – especially with all the nosy bastards in Dundonald snooping around!

Noah’s fears were realised when the DHSS called out to the build site.

‘Some fucker rang the bru’, explained Noah.

However, Noah decided to bite his tongue because he took great solace in the knowledge that the touting bastards would have two lungs filled with sea water in the very near future.


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