Calls for East Belfast Neighbourhood Watch gang to reform after possible UFO sighting

An East Belfast woman was left in a state of ‘shack’ after spotting what she believed to be a UFO floating above her in the sky.

34-year-old Helen McMelter was walking her Staffordshire Bull Terrier ‘Sasha’ along the Newtownards Road when events took an eerie turn.

Speaking to UK UFOs Weekly about the sighting, Helen told us:

‘I just taking our Sasha out for a sh*te when I saw a something in the sky above Mr Gings the Chinkys’.

‘At first I thought I was taking a reaction to the CBD oil, the diazees and the temazees’.

‘But it was definitely one of them there spaceships you’d see on the X-Files or some sh*te like that’.

‘They must’ve hit me with a laser beam or somethin’ coz I don’t remember how I got home nor f**k all’.

Helen was discovered several hours later covered in love bites and stinking of pink gin by her partner Joe.

When asked if he thought she’d been abducted or on the receiving end of an anal probing, Joe said:

‘That’s 3 times in the past 3 days’.

There have been several other sightings of disc shaped objects hurtling through the windy Belfast skies during Storm Ciara.

In response, the previously defunct East Belfast Neighbourhood Watch Gang have reformed. One spokesman for the group told us:

‘We’re no heroes, we’re just doing our job – in the absence of any proper one’.

‘We would advise everyone to panic, speculate wildly and lynch anyone who looks unfamiliar’.

‘Remember, stay vigilante’.

 

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