Sex Shops release limited edition ‘Deadline Day Dildo’

Sex shops across the UK have released a limited edition dildo for football fans to assault Sky Sports news reporters with on Transfer Deadline Day. 

The white 12″ vibrator has been branded ‘Big Jimmy’, in honour of legendary Sky Sports presenter Jim White.

Transfer deadline day is the final day of the transfer window during which a flurry of interdependent transfers will take place between panicking football clubs across Europe.

It has become as synonymous with last-minute multi-million pound deals for some of Europe’s best players as it has Sky Sports reporters being violated with huge dildos live on air.

So, to the celebrate one the biggest days on the football calendar, sex shops all over the United Kingdom have released the ‘Big Jimmy’.

‘As you can see, we’ve adjusted the tip of the dildo so it fits perfectly inside a reporter’s ear’, demonstrated Alan Bead, the man who designed ‘Big Jimmy’.

‘Big Jimmy works in all weather conditions and has 24-hours battery life’, he added while dragging the pulsating shaft across a mannequin’s face.

We caught up with a group of fans outside the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium this morning, some of whom had been there from 6am.

‘We’re gonna sign Giroud, we’re gonna sign Giroud. The Arsenal don’t believe us…’, chanted one man wielding a commemorative dildo.

‘We’ve been waiting all month for this’, beamed life-long Spurs fan Gemma Klinsmann.

‘This is what Deadline Day is all about. It’s pure pantomime – literally anything can happen. A nuclear war, the spread of a deadly virus – but mainly lots of football transfers’, she explained while testing the dildo’s 3 alternate speed settings.

Meanwhile, early forecasts suggest Premier League clubs will not exceed the £430m spent during the 2018 window and Jim White will maintain an erection for 24-hrs.

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