The first reported case of the Coronavirus in Northern Ireland has been exposed as nothing more than a common hangover by the alleged victim’s wife.
Joe McMelter (31) was placed in a special isolation unit in the Ulster Hospital yesterday after claiming he’d been struck down by the deadly virus.
However, these claims have been dismissed by his wife Helen, who revealed that Joe spent the weekend drinking Mexican beers with his mates.
‘F**k all wrong with the c**t’, she explained.
‘What do you expect to feel like when you spend a whole weekend drinking?’.
‘Well, I hope he enjoyed himself coz that’ll be the last beer he’ll have near his gub for a while. He’s a living room to paint and that back hall needs papered’, she revealed.
Speaking from his bed in the Specialist Drama Unit, Joe was convinced his condition was attributed to something more sinister.
‘Listen, I’ve had my share of hangovers in the past and this is something else. Swine Flu, Ebola, something like that. F**k all to do with those delicious Mexican beers with the wee slice of lime in them’.
However, Dr Steph O’Scope who’s been treating Joe wasn’t convinced.
‘Fulla sh*te’, was her professional opinion.
‘Anyone intending to ingest large quantities of imported Mexican beers is at great risk of contracting the same ‘deadly virus’ as Joe here’.
‘His symptoms included: singing Neil Diamond songs; a compulsion to talk pure sh*te and a severe allergic reaction to attending work the next day’.
Dr Steph O’Scope said there are some radical new treatments which may help anyone in Joe’s condition.
‘We would recommend administering large doses of milkman’s orange and sausage meat wrapped in puff pastry to anyone contaminated by the virus’.