Breaking: ‘Charity’ actually the nickname of MLA’s Christmas drinks kitty

We can exclusively reveal, crafty MLAs have nicknamed this year’s Christmas drinks kitty as ‘charity’. 

Questions were raised yesterday when it was announced Stormont MLAs would receive a £1000 pay rise after almost 3 years of scratching their genitalia at home.

With Northern Ireland’s health and education systems at crisis point over a lack of funding, many believed the money awarded to lazy self-serving politicians would be better spent elsewhere.

Following a public outcry, MLAs hopped on the Stormont WhatsApp group chat last night to discuss the various ways they might weasel their way out of the latest Northern Irish political scandal.

In the end it was decided the money would be stuck in a pint glass for this year’s Stormont Christmas dinner drinks kitty.

‘We’ve had various nicknames for the kitty down the years. ‘Expenses’, ‘RHI’, ‘Alex Maskey’s DLA taxi. But this year we’re calling it charity’, confirmed a Stormont source.

Following the secret WhatsApp conversation, several prominent MLAs took to social media to announce they were donating their £1000 pay rise to charity.

‘We were all pissing ourselves when the gullible b@stards on Twitter where ‘hearting’ and ‘retweeting’ us’, claimed the source.

‘Some MLAs were having mighty craic, asking each other what their nominated charities would be’.

‘The SOS bus run to Kellys’, Save the Gin & Tonics’ & ‘Bar Crawls for the Brave’ were just some of the MLA’s suggestions’, added the source.

 

 

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