A 38-year-old man burst into floods of tears in his car this morning, it has emerged.
Stevie McGreedy was returning to work after two weeks off when he suddenly lost control of his emotions.
‘I wish the good lord would take me now’, sobbed the drama queen.
McGreedy spent the better part of the past fortnight functioning to the lowest possible level while draped in a new dressing gown.
‘I wore that dressing gown so much the kids were calling me Hugh Hefner’, revealed McGreedy.
He was just growing accustomed to his new lifestyle when suddenly, he was thrust back into his old routine of 6am starts and monotonous employment.
‘I felt a lump in my throat as soon as the alarm went off’, he explained.
‘Once I stepped outside into the ball-freezing dark morning, I knew tears were imminent’, he continued,
‘In hindsight, it really wasn’t the brightest idea to spend a whole fortnight developing a reverse sleeping pattern’.
‘Sitting up to 3am every night watching shite films was probably the worst decision since Gary Glitter decided to get his PC repaired’.
McGreedy admits he also developed a mild case of agoraphobia over the course of his two-week holiday.
‘With the exception of the odd trip to put something out in the bin, I managed to avoid leaving the house. The place was filled with a variety of cooked meats and alcohol, there was no real necessity to leave’.
However, McGreedy’s 14 day jolly has had some physical side effects to compliment the emotional trauma.
‘After spending a fortnight using my colon as beer slide for chocolate and stuffing, I’ve rendered my immune system weaker than a member of the Dallas Buyers Club’.