Local woman ‘sticking on a big pat of stew the night’

A Dundonald woman is going to make an enormous pot of stew tonight, it has emerged. 

42-year-old Jacqueline Frost made the decision after declaring this morning to be ‘the cowlest yet’.

The mother-of-three was spotted in her local convenience store a short while ago sporting a fetching ensemble including a turd brown duffle coat with her pyjama bottoms tucked into her fake Ugg boots.

Eyewitnesses claim her basket was filled with mince, onions, carrots and several scratch cards.

We caught up with Jacqueline at her home where she was preparing enough stew to feed the New Zealand rugby squad.

‘It’s winter nai alrite’, said Jacqueline with conviction.

‘That’ll be the snow on its way nai. Wait til ya see’, she predicted.

And so, in preparation for the onslaught of winter, Jacqueline confirmed she’s taking the necessary preparations.

‘I think I’ll stick a big pat of stew on the night’, she said.

‘I’ll get everyone new jammies outta ASDA the day. Then we’ll stick a wee Chris’mus movie on with the heatin’ blastin’, she beamed.

Her husband Marty was less enthused about the sudden cold snap though.

He said, ‘It’s alright for her, sat on her hole all day listening to Michael Buble’.

‘But I’ve to get to my work and those Craigantlet Hills will be like the fuckin’ winter Olympics soon’.

‘That’ll be me sent til work with a Tupperware bax filled with that b@stardin’ stew for a month ’, he sobbed.


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