A d**khead wants to put her f**king Christmas tree up, it has emerged.
Christine Kringle from East Belfast forced her husband (Nick) to fetch the tree from the loft before he went to work this morning.
The irritatingly cheerful woman then spent the morning turning her living room into ‘some sort of f**king winter wonderland’ according to her husband.
‘It’s not even Halloween yet for f**k sake’, moaned Nick.
‘We’d both agreed after last year’s fiasco she’d wait til the start of December.
‘But oh no – she was busting my balls about getting that tree down as soon as I opened my eyes this morning’, he added.
While Nick was at work, Christine nipped down to B&M Bargains to get herself some Christmas lights and a ‘Santa, Please Stop Here’ sign for the front garden.
Experts warn the sight of Christine’s tree through her living room window could spark a host of copycat tree-erections amongst neighbours who can’t see green shite.
‘That’s it, I’ll have my Albert up in the loft the night’, declared Christine’s nosy b**tard of a neighbour, Agnes.
‘I just love this time of year’, beamed Christine.
‘I’ve already got all my shopping done – finished that ages ago so I did.
‘I try to get a wee thing in every month, then when it comes to November, December time I can just relax’, she added.
Husband Nick was less enthused though:
‘That’ll be the house lit up like Blackpool illuminations for two f**kin’ months.
‘That reminds me, I may go and stick that magnet on the meter again’.