All future court trials will take place on Belfast Live comment section

 

 

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All future court trials in Northern Ireland will take place in the comment section of Belfast Live, it has emerged.

The newly established ‘NI Court of Bakebook’ is set to save the taxpayer around £100m per year according to estimates.

The move has been welcomed with many people believing the existing judicial system is tedious and ‘outdated’.

‘Traditional trials were slow as fuck’, explained Minister for Justice and Equality, Charles Flanagan.

‘The new NI Court of Bakebook will replace due process with scandalous accusations and on-the-spot judgements’.

‘All future crimes will be forwarded to Belfast Live where the public will be invited to leave their damning verdict in the comments section’.

‘Anyone with a Facebook account can give evidence’.

It could be a police officer handling the case, the complainant or just someone on long-term sick with fuck all better to do during the day than trawl through Facebook hoping to be offended’.

‘When the public has found some other social media cause to champion, we tally up all the guilty and not guilty comments’.

‘And once a verdict has been reached, we’ll ask the public what the punishment should be. It’s usually something fair, like a skinning or a burning alive’.

‘Any monies saved can be used for more essential things, like keeping MLAs on indefinite paid leave’, he added.

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