Celebrity chef Gerry Adams claims McDonald’s decision to switch to paper straws was destabilizing the peace process here.
The 70-year-old warned the fast-food chain’s decision to switch to the divisive paper version was ‘the final straw for Republicans living under imperial rule’.
The US fast food giant axed its plastic straws last year as part of a green drive.
But some customers were unhappy with the new straws, saying they dissolved before a drink could be finished, with milkshakes a particular f**king nightmare to consume.
However, DUP leader Arlene is delighted with the switch to paper straws.
‘Not only does this help us forge stronger links with the rest of the UK, it’s eh, good for the environment too. Isn’t that right, Sammy?’, she said, while nudging her colleague Sammy Wilson who was writing ‘BULLSH*T’ on a pamphlet about global warming.
Current Sinn Fein leader Michelle O’Neill said the switch to paper straws could be what finally sways Unionists towards a united Ireland.
‘The people of the North should know that the Republic still uses plastic straws’, said O’Neill.
‘I firmly believe moderate Unionists could be convinced to vote for a United Ireland if they thought they could enjoy a strawberry milkshake without hoking bits of soggy paper out of their mouth’.
‘Sucky ár lá’, she guldered.