Boris Johnson visits Ice Bowl during NI talks

Boris Johnson dropped by Dundonald’s International Ice Bowl this morning as the new PM took a break from political talks aiming to restore Northern Ireland’s power-sharing government.

The Tory leader arrived at the popular facility around 9am this morning and headed straight for the arcades while an aide paid for their bookings at reception.

Eyewitnesses claim that the 55-year-old was “bustin’ a few moves” on a dance arcade machine surrounded by a crowd of teenagers from Tullycarnet.

Soon after the Uxbridge and South Ruislip MP was overheard begging his aide for a pound coin to put in a claw crane machine to win a soft toy.

The quaint town of Dundonald prides itself on the fact it houses Ireland’s only Olympic-sized frozen fingering pond.

However, the former Foreign Secretary shuffled across the rink with all the finesse and poise of an arthritic elephant in ice-boots.

After falling head-over-arse several times, the ex-Mayor of London navigated his way back to safety with the assistance of a child’s skating aid in the form of a large penguin.

The Prime Minister then entered an idiot-proofed industrial unit called Indianaland where he decided to recapture his youth by taking a trip down the giant 30ft vertical slide.

Against the better advice of his aide and concerned members of staff, Boris dangled his legs over the edge and attempted to whip up a round of applause from completely disinterested patrons.

The extrovert experienced a sudden bout of anxiety and was contemplating abandoning the idea completely when he was pushed in the back by a 6-year-old boy from Ballybeen.

The PM foolishly put his hands against the slide which generated a loud squeaking noise as his flesh rubbed fiercely against the uncompromising plastic backboard.

‘He big blonde chile burnt the mits clean aff himself on the Freefall’, said staff member Diana Jones.

Meanwhile, security was called when a fight broke out in the ball pit between Arlene Foster and Michelle O’Neill.

 

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