Buses hijacked and set alight as Dundonald takeaways run out of salted chilli chicken

Vehicles were hijacked and torched in Dundonald last night after several Chinese takeaways run out of salted chilli chicken.

Masked men hijacked a bus and set it on fire, police said, in one of several incidents unfolding across the town during a night of unparalleled disorder.

Trouble erupted in the civil parish after it emerged all of the town’s Chinese takeaways had run out of the popular dish.

Locals took to the streets to vent their anger in what has been described as the worst violence Dundonald has seen since McDonald’s discontinued the McRib in 1996.

Salted chilli chicken became a staple of the Dundonald diet immediately after its introduction in 2007.

A recent survey carried out by the Dundonald Institute of Silly Studies in 2017 found that 7 in 10 people here ate between 15-18 salted chilli chicken based meals per week.

The dangerously salty dish was also very popular with Dundonald’s children who voted it to be their favourite food ahead of both ‘sweetie fegs’ and shandy in a recent poll.

Community representative, Barry Rice, believes the salted chilli chicken shortage might only be the tip of the iceberg for some disgruntled locals.

‘It’s nat just the salted chilli chicken, it’s loadsa hings’, said Barry while scratching a covered up political tattoo on his forearm.

‘Like the o’r night they said my half & half wud be 45 minutes’.

’46 minutes later still no f**kin sign of it. Then when ya rings them, yer woman says ‘the driver’s just left, it’s on its way luv’

‘But we all know the f**ker’s still standing behind the counter stoned to the balls ‘n watching Love Island’.

The PSNI are appealing for calm as officers gear up for a second night of violence.

‘We’re as pissed off about this as yousens’, Tweeted Officer Goodfellow.

‘Some of the boys at the station fell ill after eating kebabs’.

‘After running some tests we found the meat consisted of baboon arse-cheek (17%), chicken ovaries (23%), horse dick (30%) and greyhound (30%)’.

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