A Dundonald man can’t stop barbecuing meat as the warm weather continues across Northern Ireland.
Big Geordie Foreman purchased a Weber Genesis II gas barbecue from Homebase last month hoping to impress friends and family with his cooking prowess in the garden.
Unfortunately, June was wetter than a nursing home sofa after a Daniel O’Donnell televised special and Big Geordie never even got his Weber out of the box.
The 39-year-old father-of-two has more than compensated for last month’s washout by barbecuing every night for the past week.
However, not everyone is happy about the situation, namely, Geordie’s 9-year-old son, Ash.
‘Am fed up to f**k looking at BBQs’, moaned Ash.
‘Once or twice is ok. But every night that ball-beg’s been out there in his novelty apron swinging those tongs about’.
‘Why do we need to cook meat over a fire like a street-person anyway?’ quizzed Ash, while squinting in the sun.
‘There’s a perfectly good kitchen in there with all the necessary amenities to prepare a non-life-threatening meal’.
But Big Geordie’s BBQ obsession goes much deeper than simply cooking outside.
‘I can’t get it up. The wife’s leaving me – even the kids don’t respect me anymore’, confessed Geordie while turning over a Chinese chicken wing.
‘This BBQ represents the last remaining shred of my masculinity – and now, the bastards want to take that away as well’, he sobbed into an Avengers napkin.