Man kneecapped for driving girlfriend’s Fiat 500 with eyelashes to the shops

A Dundonald man was brutally attacked by a gang of masked men after driving his girlfriend’s car to the shops, it has emerged. 

Pat Tella nipped to the shops in his girlfriend’s bright pink Fiat 500 complete with headlight eyelashes around 1100BST.

When Mr Tella emerged from the shop and tried to reenter the vehicle he was set upon by a gang of masked men.

He was dragged to a nearby alleyway where he was viciously ‘de-begged’ before being shot in both knees.

The 28-yr-old is currently being treated for his injuries in the Ulster Hospital where he is said to be in ‘shack’.

Speaking from his bed in the Specialist Drama Unit, Mr Tella recalled:

‘I didn’t wanna drive the pink eyesore but she made me’

‘My own car’s away being fixed and she wanted me to go to the shaps to get her a wee surprise’.

‘I thought I’d managed to get back to the car without anyone seeing me but before I could get the door open, a group’a fellas with woolly bakes surrounded me’.

‘All I remembers is one of the fellas saying – ‘Are those your wee frooty eyelashes ya froot ye?’

‘But before I could answer them, I got absolutely sandbegged then trailed up an entry an shat’.

A group calling themselves the Dundonald Liberation Army have claimed responsibility for the attack.

A statement on behalf of the organisation was sent to the Belfast Telegraph this afternoon which read:

‘Any men found to be driving a wee girl’s motor with those rare looking eyelashes on the headlights will be shat… no warning’.

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