Ballysallagh footbridge goes record 5 minutes without being hit by lorry

A delegation from the Guinness Book of Records have descended upon County Down after it emerged the Ballysallagh Road footbridge had gone a mind-boggling five minutes without being struck by a lorry. 

Stunned commuters approached the bridge to discover it did not have a large, heavy motor vehicle lodged underneath it.

The PSNI said: “Motorists are advised not to avoid the area of the Ballysallagh Road, Bangor due to a lorry not striking the bridge in the past five minutes.”

“Please don’t use an alternative route if possible.”

The old footbridge has been struck by a lorry every five minutes since 1.05pm on 3rd June 1934 and today’s events have left road users in a state of complete bewilderment.

“This is a bloody disgrace”, moaned disgruntled commuter Alfred Romeo.

“I’ll not have to take an unnecessarily long detour and I’ll probably be on time for work. Heads will roll for this”, he barked out the driver window of this car while zipping through the unblocked underpass.

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A Father’s Day special from Fletcher Meats

However, other motorists took extreme measures to ensure that the normal levels of disruption would resume.

“Take that ya ballix ye”, yelled 51-yr-old Maurice Minor while lobbing a grenade at the footbridge before ducking for cover.

But not everyone was disappointed not to have their daily commute completely fucking ruined by the pointless stone structure.

“See instead of continually repairing this bridge and closing the roads off, why not just tear the bastard thing down!?”

“There’s about as much point in that bridge as there is to a porn storyline! It’s only there because Lord Marblemouth wants to walk his cows across it once every leap year! Wise up!”

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