Local woman’s diet starts on Monday

A local woman claims her strict new diet will commence next Monday for the 24th consecutive week this year.

Carol Rea from Dundonald made the announcement on Facebook this morning which read:

‘That’s it, the diet starts on Monday. I’ll never fit in da my holidays clothes at this rate’.

Carol felt compelled to share this information with her social media followers after yet another evening spent gorging on Chinese take-away food and copious amounts of alcohol.

This morning’s declaration is the latest in a series of so far unfulfilled threats to embark upon a new healthier lifestyle.

However, Carol believes that starting her new diet on a Monday gives her the best possible chance of success this time.

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‘There’s no point in startin yer diet on a Thursday, is there nai? I mean, it’s practically the f**kin weekend like’, explained Carol.

‘We always get a wee Chinese on a Friday night and I’m nat stappin that. Life’s too short to cut out fatty foods’.

‘That’ll be my wee cheat meal til I have my fry on Saturday mornin and my Dominos on Saturday night’, she added.

Carol also understands that making drastic wholesale changes makes dieting harder to stick and she’s already made some subtle modifications to make the transition period easier.

‘I’ve switched from fried to boiled rice with my Salted Chilli Chicken from the Chinkers. And I’ve started drinking diet Coke with my Vat 19’, she bragged.

The 39-year-old mother-of-three also claims that shows on television such as Love Island are tantamount to body shaming and project unrealistic expectations for women who never exercise or eat properly.

‘More meat on a butcher’s pencil. Need a good bowl of stew in them as my granny would say’.

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