Barra Best, the world’s sexiest bald ginger person, has today confirmed that summer in Northern Ireland has been officially cancelled.
Best, a part-time weather man but full-time smouldering hunk of burning bearded love, made the announcement outside Belfast City Hall as the rain bounced of his hairless cranium.
The MET office confirmed this morning that the unrelenting rain will continue for the remainder of the summer but WILL let up for a 7 hour window on the 11th July so that folks can get their boneys lit.
With the forecast for the remainder of the summer looking bleak, the drenched inhabitants of Northern Ireland have been warned to brace themselves for some incredibly shite weather that will inevitably ruin any future plans.
‘Each day will start the same’, explains Best, while shooing some local fanny with this colourful tie.
‘As you lie in bed contemplating the purpose of life, your soundtrack will be the sound of torrential rain pelting against the window’
‘As you make your way to work you’ll experience so many shifts in the weather you may believe the end of the world is imminent’
When you arrive at the job you detest and exit your vehicle, you’ll be battered about any exposed areas of flesh with atmospheric water falling from the skies at speeds of up to 115mph’.
‘You’ll then spend the remainder of the day in soaking trousers while dreading the onset of haemorrhoids’.
However, despite the weather warnings, one moron embarked upon a trip to Tayto Park with his children.
Mr. Stephen Pratt (37) took his young family to the attraction park in Co Meath during the foretold monsoon.
‘Apart from all of us being soaked to skin, all of the rides being closed down for health & safety purposes and that bout of pneumonia I contracted. It was definitely the best trip we had that day’, said Pratt while wringing out his daughter’s ponytail.