Trump to hold Ballybeen-Tullycarnet conflict talks during NI visit

US President Donald Trump arrived in the UK for a three-day state visit and immediately vowed to bring an end to the long running Ballybeen-Tullycarnet conflict.

Trump is hoping to succeed where the UN has failed and finally bring peace and stability between BT16 and BT5.

Many commentators believe Trump could finally be the man to strike that deal as he fits the type of profile locals here can relate to.

‘He has a blonde bouffant hair-do, a bright orange tan and is a bit of a tyrant – why, he’s practically an East Belfast man’, explained one White House source.

The ongoing struggle between Ballybeen and Tullycarnet began in the mid-20th century with both claiming to be the hardest estate on the outskirts of Belfast.

However, a series of ‘fair-digs’ between men, women, children and dogs from opposing sides proved to be inconclusive.

Ballybeen was seen as the more progressive housing estate when in 1983 they granted women the right to travel on the inside of the No8 bus and also earn equal pay with donkeys.

Tullycarnet has been more conservative and only last year granted men the permission to cry at funerals.

There have been claims of bias levelled at Castlereagh Council when they chose to build amenities such as the Ice Bowl, Pirates Adventure Golf and The Omniplex Cinema right on Tullycarent’s doorstep.

‘The’ve had an all-weather pitch for ages while we were left with Brookies field covered in white dog shite’, moaned one Ballybeen resident.

‘It’s time for the beleaguered people of Ballybeen to wake up to the scale of this discrimination’.

Air Force One will arrive at George Best airport before the President is whisked away to spend the night in a traffic jam in Dundonald Village before meeting representatives from both communities the next morning.

Asked if there was anything in particular about the visit he was looking forward to, Trump replied, ‘Going down the free-fall in Indianaland, folks’.

There are no plans to visit Newtownards as it’s one of the places Trump described as a ‘shit-hole nation’.

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