Local woman buys another six bags for life

A Dundonald woman was forced to buy another half dozen reusable shopping bags today after forgetting to bring hers for the 352nd time in a row, it has emerged.

Lydia Morrisons went to do her weekly shop this morning but soon realised she’d left all her bags for life in a cupboard under the sink.

‘I’ve a head like a sieve’, admitted Lydia.

‘I have about two thousand begs for life inside another beg for life under the kitchen sink’.

‘As soon as I got to the til this morning, yer woman asked me if I’d like a wee beg’.

‘That’s when it dawned on me I’d need to buy another six or seven’, she chuckled. 

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Free beers at Fletcher’s this week. Yes, FREE BEERS!


However, her husband Geordie was less amused when he saw Lydia lifting a fresh batch of bags out of a taxi’s boot.

Last month, Geordie suffered a broken fibula when he was almost crushed to death by a ‘big beg fulla begs’ which rolled over him when he opened the cupboard under the sink.

‘I was looking for the Fairy-up liquid battle cos I’d oil on my hands’, explained Geordie.

‘So I opens the cupboard under the sink and the next fing it’s like the f**kin boulder scene outta Indiana Jones’.

‘I was trapped underneath it for three f**kin hours ‘n crying for help, til she came back from Slimming World’, he moaned.

‘That’s me on the statutory sick and skint nia. But sure she got ‘slimmer a la week’. Whoopdy f**kin doo’, he sobbed.

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