Man’s windowsill becoming insect graveyard

The windowsill of a three bedroom semi in Dundonald is turning into some kind of necropolis for insects, it has emerged. 

As homeowners finally opened their windows and doors, dwellings across the province have been infested with scores of winged beasts.

Flies, wasps and a host of other annoying pests that spent the eight month Northern Irish winter sleeping in cracks and crannies are back to ruin everyone’s happiness.

But despite finding their way into your home with the greatest of ease, the buzzing little bastards find it almost impossible to leave again.

The fuckers will usually sustain a serious head trauma after repeated failed attempts to fly through a solid glass pane.

Then they’ll die a slow and agonising death on the ledge beneath your window which resembles a garden of remembrance for every species of airborne nuisance.

We caught up with a 25-day-old Bee called Honey Bumble, who’d just attended the funeral of her cousin, Buzz, who’d recently died in the three bedroom semi.

‘It was a beautiful service’, wept Honey.

‘I bumped into a lot of old friends there who were attending other funerals. In fairness, it was like a mass grave down there’, she added.

We also spoke to three-week-old blue bottle, Martin McFly, who was rotating 360 degrees on his back having suffered a serious head wound after mistaking a glass panel for the open sky.

He said, ‘Would someone please just show me the way outta here?’.

‘It’s not bad enough some woman’s been swinging her stinking slipper at me all morning. Now I’ve gone and split my head open on this window’.

‘And another thing… Oh shit… look out!!!’, squealed Martin as a pink fluffy size-four Primark slipper crushed him to death.

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