Jeremy Kyle will bring his freak show to Stormont after ITV’s decision to cancel the long-running series, it has emerged.
Kyle (real name Beelzebub) and his production team were locked in tricky negotiations with an NI Assembly delegation long into the night.
Kyle’s team released a statement this morning which read:
‘Still want your daily fix of bad relationships, affairs and scandals – then be sure to tune into the new series of The Jeremy Kyle Show, live from Stormont Buildings, coming soon’.
The Jeremy Kyle Show, which first aired in 2005, was a very popular programme with the workshy and pretend disabled, with an average of one million viewers.
During the programme’s 14 year tenure, some of the most vulnerable and dentally challenged members of society were given the chance to be on TV in exchange for all the details about their miserable lives.
The host ‘Jezza’, as he was affectionately known by the perpetually unemployed, would then jab a pointed judgmental finger into the face of his smack addict guest much to the delight of the studio audience.
And now the smug 53-year-old cunt is bringing his circus act to the biggest circus on earth, Stormont.
‘School mas’ across the province rejoiced when they heard the news.
‘Thank Christ the night it’s back on’, said one pyjama-clad mother while making her way home after the school run.
‘I dunno how I wudda got through the mornings without lookin’ down my nose at some poor bastard who’s more kids than teeth’.
Inside sources claim the first episode will feature former Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, who’ll face a lie detector test about his alleged involvement in the Irish Republican Army.
Episode two will feature Ian Paisley Jr recalling the time he was forced to sleep in a four star hotel, with episode three involving a young girl from Newtownards awaiting the result of a DNA test to determine which one of her brothers is the father of her son.