Prince Harry ‘fake-snored’ to get out of feeding his newborn, it has emerged.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were woken around 4am this morning by their infant son, Archie.
Both Royals heard the baby’s cries but lay perfectly still, wondering who’d be the first to break.
After a minute or so it became abundantly clear that Harry was not for moving.
Conceding defeated, Meghan threw back the quilt and engaged in a half hour long struggle to pacify the unreasonable little human.
‘As it’s 4am and deathly silent, of course I can hear the child scream but then again, so can my wife’, explained Harry.
‘I find that if I alter my breathing slightly I can make it appear that I’m still in a deep sleep’.
‘The odd involuntary body movement will also give the impression you’re still unconscious and not in control of your faculties’.
‘Usually after about thirty seconds which feels like a year, my darling wife starts tutting like Skippy the Bush Kangaroo before finally giving in’.
However, Meghan told us, ‘The only time he’ll shift his lazy hole is if he needs a piss anyway’.
‘So now I’ll turn on the bedroom light to make sure he doesn’t sleep either’.
‘That or I’ll send him downstairs to cool a bottle of milk under an ice-cold tap’.
‘Well excuse me for being born by the way’, gurgled Archie.