‘Am nat Wonder Woman yanno’ claims local woman

A local mother-of-three left her family in a state of shock today by announcing: ‘I’m not bloody Wonder Woman ya know?!’.

Iris Muggins (43) made the startling admission whilst stood in the middle of the living room surrounded by her husband and three teenage children.

Iris dropped the bombshell after a series of unreasonable requests left her with no other option but to reveal her true identity.

‘I was hoovering the living room while I was waiting on a wash finishing and those four lazy f**kers just sat and watched me’, explained Iris.

‘Then the next thing all I hear is: ‘are ya sticking the kettle on luv?’; ‘Ma, what’s for lunch, I’m starving’ and ‘have you seen my blue top, ma?’.

‘So I threw the hoover across the living room and told them I wasn’t yer woman Wonder Woman’, she added.

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This week’s offer at Fletcher Meats

The news obviously came as a surprise to her 46-year-old husband Frankie who held a long-standing belief that the person he married in Ballybeen Methodist Church back in 1998 was Justice League member and goddess, Wonder Woman.

‘I just can’t take it in’, sobbed Frankie.

‘All these years I’ve been living a lie. Why couldn’t she have revealed her true identity years ago? I’d have made my own fucking tea?’, he added.

However, eldest daughter Nicola (19) claims she always had her suspicions that her mother wasn’t the Princess of Themyscira.

‘Daddy always said she was Wonder Woman but I remember she fainted and split her head open during the parent’s race at Sports Day. More like Wonder Redner’, she said.

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