Rural ATMs will offer customers option to enter their Tilt Ditchers

Cash points across rural Northern Ireland will now offer customers the option of entering their Tilt Ditcher instead of a 4 digit pin code, according to reports.

The move comes after a number of ATMs both North and South of the border were ripped from shops by impatient customers using diggers.

CEO of ‘ATMs ‘R Us’, Richie Sterling told us:

‘At ATMs R Us, we know how busy the rural life can be, what with all that Gaelic to watch and turf to cut’.

‘Sometimes our customers don’t have the time to dismount their stolen high-powered mechanical digger and enter their 4 digit pin’.

‘That’s why when our cash point cameras see a JCB approaching, the screen will display a prompt encouraging our customers to insert their Tilt Ditcher or Excavator Forks straight through the brickwork’, he explained.

IMG_4019
This week’s offer at Fletcher Meats

The news was welcomed by rural communities fed up of having the convenience of a fully functioning ATM not far from their homes.

‘Ah, happy days. Another one destroyed last night?’, beamed Antrim native Bill Fortune, while stood beside a pile of rubble.

When asked if he would pay for his goods using contactless instead, Bill responded:

‘Contactless? What’s that? Like a restraining order?

A short while later we caught with 39-yr-old Robbie Banks who was transporting a bank till up a country lane on the end of a fork truck, who shouted:

‘Serves them fucking right for charging me £3.50 for lifting a tenner of my own fucking money’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s