Call to ban election posters within 30ft of schools after spate of kid’s nightmares

PTA groups have rallied together in calling for a ban on election posters outside schools in all constituencies ahead of the local elections in May.

The calls come after hundreds of primary school children complained about having ‘bad dreams’ about ‘lampposts with the ugly heads’ during previous election campaigns.

Concerned parent Susie Muckraker, who runs a gossipy school mum’s Facebook page told us:

‘These posters are scaring the shite outta the kids. Our Harry saw Jim Allister’s face on a telegraph pole outside his school three years ago and he’s still pissin’ the bed at night’.

Sally Rubberneck claims her son has needed specialist counselling after she drove past an election poster belonging to John O’Dowd. She said:

‘Our Pearse won’t get in the car anymore. He thinks he’ll see the scary faces again if he does’.

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Pearse, 5, told us:

‘We were driving past the school at night when suddenly these ugly heads shot quickly past the windows’.

‘There was John O’Dowd, Carla Lockhart, Doug Beattie… it was like being on a fucking ghost train’.

Meanwhile, one male voter in East Belfast is hoping that the ban does not come into effect.

Dick Tuggington, 41, has been an avid collector of Naomi Long posters since 2003.

‘I love red-heads and I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve a little thing for Naomi’, explained Dick.

Mr Tuggington then proceeded to show us his little thing and was subsequently arrested.

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