Ballymena to legalise ‘Doggy-style’ intercourse by 2050

Politicians at Mid and East Antrim Borough Council have pledged to legalise ‘doggy-style’ intercourse by the year 2050, according to reports.

The move comes following criticism of the borough’s perceived ‘draconian’ attitudes towards sex and other contentious issues such as women’s rights.

A statement made on behalf of the council read:

‘As part of an ongoing initiative to make Mid and East Antrim one of the UK’s most progressive regions, it is our intention to legalise ‘doggy-style’ intercourse – between same sex couples, obviously’.

‘By 2050, ‘rumpy-pumpy’ will no longer be executed in the plain old missionary position’.

‘However, as a precaution, we would encourage those folk (of matching sexual orientation, obviously) to ‘have it off’ ‘doggy-style’ no more than once a month’.

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The UUP’s Lindsay Millar said the proposal was yet another example of the forward-thinking policies of the Ulster Unionist Party.

‘I do enjoy a spot of how’s your father’, blushed Lindsay.

‘And this new law will enable all my female constituents to get rogered silly from behind’.

However, the TUV’s Timothy Gaston launched a scathing attack on the other parties for their ‘total debauchery’.

Gaston, who claims ‘the female orgasm is nothing but a myth’, has called on those in his constituency to ‘refrain from engaging in any and all unnecessary sexual activity’.

Meanwhile, the council has vetoed a proposal that would allow women in the borough to earn equal pay with horses.

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