Local man taking a break from Facebook

A 37-year-old County Down man announced that he was ‘going off Facebook for a while’, according to reports.

Robert ‘Spud’ McCauley, posted a short message on his Facebook account which read, ‘Deleting Facebook for a while. If anyone needs me, text me’.

Panic set in when people realised that Robert’s daily post about how he was ‘bored.com’ would not be visible on their timelines.

The news sent shockwaves across the globe with the pound plummeting in value and riots erupting in Los Angeles, North London and Killinchy.

The stock exchange later announced that the FTSE fell to its lowest point since the financial crisis of 2007-2010.

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The decision to deactivate his account is said to have arisen after Robert spent the weekend drunkenly harassing females via Facebook Messenger.

When Robert woke to find no one had responded to his incoherent ramblings he vowed to delete his Facebook account for good.

Sophia Baguette from Paris said, ‘How can we possibly function or perform our civic duties without reading Robert’s poorly spelt statuses about how he’s definitely off the drink this time, or ‘aff it’, as he eloquently puts it?’

However, one local scholar believes that McCauley’s post was nothing more than a baseless attention seeking threat.

Prof Mark Bright argued, ‘Robert’s just hoping that a spattering of morons beg him to reconsider his decision. Once Robert gets the required amount of reassurance, and more importantly attention, he won’t follow through with it’.

The Samaritans have set up a helpline to provide support to anyone who was affected by Robert’s announcement.

 

 

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