A Dundonald man who has less than £2.50 of his wages left by the 3rd of each month says it’s ‘all down to being shite with money’ and now he’s ready to share his secret with you.
Despite getting a full month’s salary on the 25th, factory worker Steven Spendthrift usually finds he’s unable to afford the price of a £2.99 meal deal less than ten days later.
And the 29-yr-old attributes his financial problems to living like Saudi prince for three or four days immediately after pay day.
‘There’s that lovely couple of days before any direct debits come out when you check your balance and think you’re Floyd f**king Mayweather’, explained Steven.
‘You’re texting round to see who wants to go to an over-priced hipster burger bar for food or ordering that £220 limited edition Stance Star Wars DVD collection off Amazon’.
‘Normally that first weekend after payday you’ll be out on the piss Friday, Saturday and Sunday’.
‘But even taking a piss in a nightclub costs about £8 after you’ve emptied the coins from your pockets into an ashtray belonging to an African gentleman’.
‘Before you know it he’ll be spraying you with Issey Miyake aftershave and forcing a f**king Chupa Chup lolly in your mouth’.
Steven revealed the excitement of checking his bank balance online when he wakes up on a Monday morning.
‘I usually pay for everything using contactless cos I’m blocked. Those bad boys are still trickling through about Wednesday so you’ve no clue where you stand’.
‘On the plus side it’s a good way of piecing together some sort of timeline of the evening because you blacked out again’.