Parents across Northern Ireland today are celebrating the end of a two-month nightmare commonly referred to as ‘the summer holidays’.
There were high-fives this morning among pyjama-clad women at school gates after frogmarching their spawn into the care of trained professionals.
The beleaguered parents were overheard discussing the various ways they planned to spend the next few blissful child-free hours.
Mother of two, Danielle Freeman said:
‘Thank f**k it’s over’. I left the wee bastards at the gates about 8.55am then headed straight for the Winemark.
‘I’m gonna lie on my hole, watch Jezza and polish off this crate of West Coast Cooler Rose’.
Her husband Morgan spent the past seven days pretending to be Darth Vader and having plastic sword fights with their five-year-old son Toby.
He told us:
‘I don’t think I could’ve taken one more afternoon of that wee ballix putting on a fake American accent and whacking me on the knuckles’.
When asked what his plans were for the afternoon, Morgan replied:
‘I might hit the Shebeen and do some shots. The world’s my oyster’, he added.
Their 7-year-old son Harry was equally as relieved to be returning to school.
‘There are only so many trips to a soft-play area full of rough council estate children one can stomach’.
‘I dunno what they’re so relieved about anyway? They may as well handed custody over to a Nintendo switch for a two months’.
He went on:
‘And you should’ve seen that two-faced bitch sobbing at the gates this morning and waving at me like I was leaving for a tour of Iraq.
‘She wasn’t getting on like that when she going to Alibi on Saturday night’.