New Series of ‘The Crystal Maze’ to be Set at Long Kesh

British game show ‘The Crystal Maze’ is being relaunched for a seventh series on the grounds of the partly demolished HM Prison Maze.

The successful show originally ran for six series between 1990 and 1995. Bosses at Channel Four have been pondering a revamp of the franchise for quite some time and now they believe they have found the perfect setting.

The future of the site has been in limbo for several years after plans were scrapped to turn the former detention centre into a Disney-esque theme park called ‘Troubles Land’.

Stormont bigwigs hoped to include rides and attractions such as ‘It’s a Small-Minded World’, ‘Honey I Indoctrinated the Kids 3D’ and ‘Gerry’s Great Escape’.

But now plans have been approved by the Northern Ireland environment minister for the site to be redeveloped as the set for a 7th installment of the hit series to be dubbed ‘The Crystal HM Prison Maze’.

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Producers visited the location and found that most of the original buildings were demolished but they did discover one cell where an inmate’s game of Tekken on the PlayStation 1 was still paused.

The new format will see the return of the iconic 16-foot-high Crystal Dome, where six huge fans mounted on a slowly rotating turntable will blow around thousands of bank notes owned by the tax-payer.

The set will be divided into four new zones set in different periods of the Troubles, including ‘The Civil Rights Zone’, ‘The Sunningdale Zone’, ‘The Anglo-Irish Zone’ and ‘The Good Friday Zone’.

In each episode, a team consisting of one former prisoner, one politician, one journalist and an NI celeb, will enter The Maze. Before each game in a zone, the team captain would choose which contestant will be subjected to a torturous interrogation by MI5.

The three categories of torture will be physical, mental or a mystery form of systematic abuse. If the contestant cracks before the end of their allocated time limit they will be locked in a cell indefinitely.

Original host, baldy leather chap wearing Richard O’Brien will also return. He told us, ‘Mumsey said let’s all go to the Sunningdale Zone’.

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