The chimpanzee which escaped from Belfast Zoo on Saturday has been made interim First Minister, it has emerged.
The male chimp, known affectionately by his handlers as ‘Bubbles’, will take office with immediate effect.
Bubbles said his tearful goodbyes to staff and animals at Belfast Zoo this morning before making his way to Stormont Buildings in a black taxi.
‘Everyone at Belfast Zoo would like to wish Bubbles all the best in his new role as interim First Minister’, read a statement.
‘It’s been an amazing journey for Bubbles who arrived with us six years ago as a troubled young ape who would lob shite at the visitors who came to gawk at him’.
The chimpanzee made the headlines last Saturday whenever he escaped from his enclosure at Belfast Zoo by climbing up a fallen tree branch.
Bubbles wandered through the zoo and stopped to chat with locals who told him about the collapse of the Stormont Executive over two years ago.
The ape then returned to his enclosure and informed his handlers of his desire to run the country.
The news was received with widespread optimism with most of the beleaguered electorate prepared to give the ape a chance.
The world’s media assembled for a photo op with the interim First Minister this morning inside Stormont chambers.
The camera bulbs flashed as Bubbles swung from a chandelier with one hand and masturbated furiously with the other.
‘Nothing new here. The place has been full of wankers for years’, quipped one photographer while wiping monkey semen off his spectacles with a handkerchief.