Armageddon hits Dundonald; Ballybeen Vs Tullycarnet war is finally upon us

The people of Dundonald woke this morning to discover that the end of the world was imminent.

Warring clans from the estates of Ballybeen and Tullycarnet are currently preparing for the final showdown.

Experts predict that the dramatic and catastrophic conflict is likely to destroy the town and most of its inhabitants.

Early risers were shocked to discover the civil parish had been engulfed by a Siberian blizzard as temperatures plummeted to -6.

Panic and confusion spread among the populace with cars being crashed and local landmarks set ablaze.

The usual array of nosy fuckers have been keeping the town’s inhabitants updated via Facebook with people being warned to: ‘Stay in le fuckin house, it’s fuckin mental out ler’.

Wise men from the neighbouring areas believe that today is the day of the great Tullycarnet Vs Ballybeen War that was foretold to them by their forefathers.

Warriors from the rival estates have been gearing up all morning for their final showdown outside the International Ice Bowl.

Big Basher Magee from Ballybeen, who wears shorts even when it’s snowing, assembled his troops at the Enler Complex this morning at approximately 9am and gave a rousing speech which witnesses described as: ‘Like Henry V’s St Crispin ‘s Day speech – only with a lot more fucks in it’.

‘Once more onto the East Link Road, dear friends’, yelled Basher while waving his golf umbrella in the air amidst the roars of his men.

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