Sammy Wilson opens chip van outside Stormont

Sammy Wilson is attempting to alleviate fears about any potential Brexit related food shortages by opening a chip van outside the disused Stormont buildings.

The DUP stalwart had the eureka moment during yesterday’s Brexit debate in the Commons, when fears of food shortages and rising costs were raised by the Scottish National Party’s Ian Blackford.

The East Antrim MP parked his portable food truck a short distance away from Carson’s monument this morning then announced via Twitter he was open for business:

‘Sammy’s Kebabs now open to the public to cater for all your no-deal Brexit needs’, read the Tweet.

However, the former school teacher immediately ran into stocking issues when he realised none of his goods were locally sourced.

‘Spanish onions? Dutch chicken? Free State spuds? What the f**k do we produce in Northern Ireland?’

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After a few frantic phone calls to some local suppliers, the politician hastily re-branded his business.

‘Due to unforeseen circumstances, Sammy’s Kebabs has been forced to cease operating’, Tweeted Wilson .

‘On the plus side, I’ve just opened Northern Ireland’s first portable Dulse Bar’.

‘Come on down today and eat all the salty shite-tasting sea moss you can handle’, he implored.

One local was shocked when he heard that Wilson couldn’t adequately stock his chuckwagon.

‘He should’ve just served the chip on his shoulder. We could’ve dined out on that til the post-Apocalypse never mind post-Brexit’, he said.

 

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