Yellow snow warning after drunk man takes pish in the street

The Met Office has issued a warning for yellow snow after an inebriated man urinated in street, it has emerged.

Wee Jimmy Riddle (57) relieved himself in broad daylight after sinking several pints in his local pub this afternoon.

The self-employed tiler found the combination of a full bladder and the cold weather too much to bear while staggering home.

After a quick glance over each shoulder, Riddle whipped the lad out and took a steaming-hot pish against the wall of a nearby Mace.

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The alert will come into force at 15:00 GMT today and last until 11:00 on Wednesday, after temperatures fell close to zero last night.

Forecasters are advising people to avoid the pavement outside the Mace which could become hazardous when frozen.

‘If you know any pensioners that queue outside the shop from 5am for the papers, tell them not to bother their wrinkly holes’, said a forecaster.

‘They’ll end up skite-in about like Bambi and have a bad fall’.

‘Furthermore, motorists are being advised to keep an eye out for wee fuckers clauding snowballs’.

‘It’s bad enough having your car skelpt by the wee bastards without suffering the further indignity of being pelted with Jimmy’s frozen pish’.

When asked how much snow we can expect to see tonight, a spokesperson for the Met Office said:

‘Much the same as Jimmy – a couple of inches’.

 

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