A group of men were forced to have a ‘kickabout’ in their old neighbourhood after reminiscing about ‘the good old days’ on Facebook.
To the horror of the others, one friend took the empty gesture of a reunion literally and went ahead and organised a game of 5-a-side football on the grass bank where they used to play as children.
After a month and a half of organising, then reorganising because everyone’s kids kept getting sick, the ageing gang finally met up on their old green to have a ‘friendly’ game of football.
‘Wee Squazza’, real name David Lemon (35) and once a flying wing-wizard, is now a fifteen stone father-of-three with cartilage damage in his left knee.
‘We were having an aul rake on Facebook about the good aul days playin futball on the green. Someone suggested meeting up for a kick-about, I can’t remember, it might have been me. Anyway, everyone was content in the knowledge that it would probably never materialise’, said Squazza.
‘That was until Stevie got involved. The next thing he was setting up Facebook groups and sending us spreadsheets. That’s when we realised it was going to fuckin’ happen’, he added.
As kick-off approached, the men discussed the various aches and pains from which they were suffering before realising they had uneven numbers.
‘We let Smicker and Dinger pick the teams cos they were the best players back in the day’, explained Squazza
‘I dunno if that’s still the case though cos Smicker is nineteen stone and Dinger’s type-2 diabetic now’, he added.
‘Just like years ago, wee Spud was the last player to be picked. Neither side wanted the tube in their team and there was a bit of row about it’.
‘It continued until Spud broke down in tears and told us how much it used to hurt his feelings’.
Spud explained, ‘They probably never thought much about it at the time but it’s hard to put into a sentence how much of a crippling blow it is to your self-esteem, to watch a group of your peers almost come to blows over how little they want you to be in their team’.
About the game itself Squazza told us, ‘The game started off in good spirits but things soured quickly’.
‘There was an argument about whether a shot was ‘in’ or ‘hit the post’. I said it was ‘in’ but in fairness it was hard to tell because the post was eight foot wide and made out of jumpers’.
‘Then there was a huge row because I hit a shot which was flying into the top corner and Smicker stuck his hand out and stopped it. Then he tried to say it was ‘fly-nets’ – but no one called that at the start’.
‘In a huff, I kicked the ball away and it rolled down the road onto the carriageway’.
‘Smicker shouted ‘hitsys getsys’ but I refused to go get it. We squared up over it. But then we both realised we’d to go to work the next day and didn’t want any marks on our faces’.
‘Then a car ran over the ball. It turned egg-shaped and bounced funny. But by that stage everyone had 11 missed calls from their wife and had to leave anyway’, he added.