New helpline for parents whose children watch YouTubers

There’s an emergency helpline for parents being forced to watch shite on the internet by their children, according to reports. 

A dedicated team of professionals will be on hand to help adults who are struggling to cope with life after watching spirit crushing videos on YouTube.

It is estimated that 98% of children between the ages of 3-11 are subscribed to an average of 7 internet dickheads, commonly known as ‘YouTubers’.

A ‘YouTuber’ is a type of online celebrity, typically born into extreme wealth, who spends their day playing video games, making slime or eating dog food and recording it.

The average YouTuber is male, in his mid-20s, has ridiculous hair and is a complete and utter cunt.

The situation has reached crisis point with most parents clinging onto their sanity by their finger tips.

‘I remember when Sophie was 2 and I’d moan about the hours upon hours I’d be subjected to Peppa Pig for’, sobbed father-of-seven ‘Basher’ Magee.

‘At least it had a story of the day, engaging characters – even a little innuendo’.

‘Oh what I’d give for a Peppa Pig marathon instead of this green-haired privileged little prick trying to flog his fucking ‘merch’. Anyone born after 1995 is a dick’.

If you’ve been affected by excessive YouTuber exposure by your children, please dial 0800 8888 8888.

 

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