Elf on Shelf gone to shit inside 3 days in 85% of Northern Irish households

A recent study has revealed that 85% of Northern Irish households have already lost interest in their Elf on a Shelf, it has emerged.

Despite being only three days into a month long Facebook spectacle, lazy parents have already abandoned their Elf duties.

And the Elf (real name Wayne Speers) claims he’s already had enough of parent’s half-hearted attempts this year.

‘I woke up in the cupboard under the stairs this morning, again’, revealed Wayne.

‘It’s only the 3rd December and those lazy bastards have forgotten to put me in a mischievous and hilarious pose two nights out of three’, he barked.

One test subject, Chris Noel Stewart (37), shifted full responsibility for the Elf duties onto his wife, Mary (31), this year.

‘I’m sick of the sight of that creepy-looking, pointy-hatted, rosy-cheeked little fucker’, moaned Chris.

‘’Oh, look how creative and imaginative we are’’. It’s just another Facebook cock-measuring contest, like Halloween’.

‘Ten times last year we’d just got into bed, next thing she’s jumping out of it and away down the stairs cos she’s ‘forgotten to do the Elf’’.

‘Never mind Elf on a Shelf. What about a ride with my bride?’, quizzed Chris.

Meanwhile, Mary is already ruing the decision to bring the Elf down from the roof space.

She said, ‘Maybe Chris was right. Trying to come up with a fresh original idea every night is a right pain in the ovaries’.

‘I might just give the kids some bullshit excuse about not wanting them to think they’re under surveillance or that they shouldn’t focus their lives around materialistic goals’.

‘Either that or just tell them the Elf, Santa and Christmas is all one big fucking lie’.

‘But Wayne the Elf has a cunning plan to get even with the perfunctory pathetic parents’.

‘Maybe I should start reporting back to Santa what Chris and Mary are up to instead?’.

‘Chris’s Pornhub usage is up 20% on last year and Mary’s necking a glass of wine before the school run’.

‘Then we’ll see who’s on the fucking naughty list?’.

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