Man’s testicles explode after using Original Source shower gel

A Dundonald man was rushed to hospital this morning after washing his testicles with a powerful minty shower gel, according to reports. 

Joe McMelter (37) was taken to the Ulster Hospital after lathering his genitals in Mint & Tea Tree Original Source shower gel.

The factory worker was left with life-changing injuries when his testicles spontaneously combusted just moments later.

Speaking like a choir boy from his bed, Joe recalled the precise moment he knew something had gone awry:

‘The Mrs said she’d bought this new shower gel which smelt lovely and minty’.

‘So I pops in the shower this morning and see the bottle of Tingly Mint & Tea Tree on it’.

‘I do the usual, ya know, the bake, the pits, which was dead on. Then I made the biggest mistake of my life by slapping a handful on my ballix’.

‘Tingly? Fuckin’ tingly? After a few seconds it felt like I dipped my swingers in a bucket of Hydrofluoric Acid’.

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Joe’s wife, Helen, was getting herself ready for work when she heard Joe’s effeminate screams followed by two large explosions.

‘When I heard Joe’s screams I thought the big Ginny Ann saw another spider in the shower’.

‘But then I heard a beng, then another one’.

‘Next thing Joe staggers out of the bathroom cupping what looks like two burst balloons in his hand. It was then I realised his ballix were ballixed’.

Dr Steph O’Scope, who tried in vain to save Joe’s balls, said:

‘He will never father any children. On the plus side, he’ll have countless unbroken sleeps and save a fortune at Christmas’.

 

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