Dundonald ‘Conti-mental’ market opens to record crowd of five people

The Dundonald ‘Conti-mental’ market opened to a record crowd of five people last night.

Every year, people who like to try ‘something a wee bit different’ visit the market, which comes to town in exactly the same format as the year before.

The market, consisting of two stalls, is situated on Church Road where the old butchers used to be, before he was shut down for flushing pig’s heads down the shitter.

Locals are invited to come along and sample the exotic cuisine from faraway places like Ards, Comber and Sydenham.

Customers can treat their palates to such delicacies as cheese & pickled onion on cocktail sticks, frankfurters from a tin or ‘tamata & spam samiches’.

Then they are invited to wash it down with a diverse range of alcoholic beverages such as Tennents, Carlsberg and Harp.

But it’s not all about Dad guzzling cheap lager or Mum gobbling big German sausages. Kids are also encouraged to come along to see Dundonald’s Santa Claus, now that he’s allowed to work with children again.

Market organiser Giorgi Venal told assembled press about some new features in this year’s market.

He said, ‘We’ve got a completely different layout this year. We put the beer stall on the left and the spam wagon on the right’.

First customer of the night, wee Sadie from Dunlady Park said, ‘I love the cuntimental market, so a do. Just gets ye in the Chris’mas spurit, doesn’t it?’

‘Me and our Albert come down an get a tin of Harp and hat-dawg and just soak up the atmosphere. There’s naffin like a bitta warm meat inside ye on a cowl night’, she added.

Flight attendant Simon Brown from Ballyreagan Road beamed, ‘Oh mummy, I just love the market. Looking forward to hitting it later on. I haven’t had a bitta German sausage since my last stop over in Hamburg’.

However, Sally Highbrow from neighbouring Hillsborough was less complimentary about her experience.

‘The place was crawling with the dregs of society. I noticed some peasant woman was wearing hideous sheepskin boots. I think they were called Uggs or something ghastly like that’, said Sally.

‘Then I asked the vendor if I could have a crepe and he told me ‘If you’re gonna take a shite luv, do it round the back where the kids won’t see ye’. I was absolutely mortified’, she added.

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