Local man almost suffocates underneath wife’s plastic bag collection

A Dundonald man almost suffocated this morning when he opened a kitchen cupboard and was trapped underneath an avalanche of plastic bags his wife had been hoarding.

Big Geordie Morrisons (47) also suffered a broken fibula when he was ‘almost crushed to death’ by a giant bag full of bags which rolled over the top of him.

‘I was looking for the Fairy-up liquid cos I’d oil on my hands. So I opens the cupboard under the sink and the next fing it’s like the boulder scene from Indiana Jones’, explained Geordie.

‘This massive ball of plastic rolled over my legs and I was trapped underneath it. I lay on the kitchen floor for three hours crying for help til she came back from Slimming World’, he moaned.

His wife, Lydia (43),  was forced to buy another half dozen reusable shopping bags yesterday after forgetting to bring hers to the supermarket for 352nd time in a row.

‘I’ve a head like a sieve’, admitted Lydia.

‘I have about two thousand bags for life inside a bag for life under the sink’.

‘As soon as I got to the til, yer woman asked me if I’d like a wee bag. That’s when it dawned on me I’d need to buy another six or seven’, she chuckled.

Her husband Geordie was less amused by the incident.

‘That’s me on the statutory sick and Christmas fucked. But sure she got slimmer of the week. Whoopdy fuckin’ doo’, he added.

 

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